Wednesday, 23 January 2013
Jetuil
L'isocèle pronom-sujet
Ne connais pas succès.
Plus jamais de je, tu, il.
Bien heureuse dans mon exil.
Tuesday, 8 January 2013
On that note, I feel inspired.
Two days have passed since I've started my Chapter for forever. Suprisingly…I figured out a bunch of stuff because of the conversation I had with the career confused kid. I shall name him Boomerang kid.
During my great conversation with Boomerang kid, we talked about music as an elder lady sitting next to us was staring and listening to our conversation. It was like she was obnoxiously there to remind us to be wise in our thoughts and interactions. (Anyways, observations aside…)every tip or question I would have for the kid would come right back to hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. It was like he had a super secret question deflector or something. Regardless, the kid made me realize the following 3 key points :
1. In his professionnal life, the musician is always haunted by the thought of being better. There is always something better waiting for him if he practices more, if he changes his technique, if he changes schools or teachers, etc. That effect seems to be mirrored in his personnal life (and when I say "his", I also mean "my"). Will I be happier if I change jobs? What if I change my location? Study more? Get a boyfriend/girlfriend?...
2. The winners are not always the best. Having won several songwriting competitions myself, I have a love-hate relationship with contests and their hierarchy. I would even say that they have de-educated me from what it means to be a true artist. I have to say that winning these competitions (in 2006 and 2008) opened a bunch of doors for me in terms of gigs and contacts…but at 17 and 19 years old, I sure as hell did not know how to use them, nor was my focus set on a artist oriented goal. I had to finish my god-darned bachelor's degree. Now that I have had time to grow as a person and as an artist, I realize that the runner-ups are the ones making a living out of their art (legit). While I was getting all the light back then, playing shows on the same 3 songs, they were the ones writing and composing. They were the ones getting more experience. They were the ones calling people up to play gigs. They were the ones getting better at their instrument and at their craft. I missed out on that. However, I take full responsability for not taking full care of my artist self because honestly, I was a kid and I did not know any better.
3. A true musician will need to find outlets to always be active on the artistic scene. Be it sound engineering, teaching, creating, composing or playing. Gigs are not always available. So, In order to survive, the musician will need plan C, plan D…all the way up to plan Z.
My epiphany? I have won at creating a cycle of doing nothing while wanting to get better.
It stops here.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Back to me...
I believe I have officially decided to get back to teaching music in September (That would be my plan B : Point #3) While teaching, I will have musical projects with one of my buddies (You'll be able to read more about it as I keep writing this blog..)
In the meantime, I should go back to Montreal to live the rest of my urban life there. Get inspired (for real this time). Since I failed at being the best winner (Point #2), I'll win at getting my runner-up prize back : Perseverance.
And while I am in Montreal, I will take piano courses and practice different instruments (Point #1) in order to stay active artistically. (again, Point #3)
On that note, I feel inspired.
Chapter for forever
January 4th 2013. I am on cofee # 2. It's snowing outside. It is 9 o'clock in this local diner and the regular crowd is way past the shuffling in. I look like shit and I'm struggling for words to write, just like this region is struggling for youth to work in.
I guess you can say I'm at the pitchfork point in my life where nothing is certain. I have an appartment in Montréal, but I am living with my parents for now because I quit my shitty and senseless banking job two weeks ago. I have not the slightest idea as to what I'm going to do with my life at this point. I have too many choices : 1-Travel to another country with a government funded project; 2- Take another senseless shitty job before I start my carreer as a music educator in september 3- Find another not-so-shitty-or-senseless job in Montreal 4- Keep studying music (pop music, this time) 5-Become Harry Potter and figure out a way to end Voldemort or 6- Become Celine Dion.
I am like a kid with a bad parent trying to stop a disastrous tantrum : What do you want? Milk? Juice? Pop? Coffee? Chocolate milk? Egg nog? Rootbeer? (I'll have wisky, thanks!)
Too many choices.
__________________
Over the holidays, there was a common denominator in all conversations I've had : "So? What's next?". Being the clever twenty-something year old I am, I managed to brush off this question by telling people I was taking it day by day until the 2nd of january. I would get the «Good for you!» answer or the " Oh that's great! I wish I could do that!". Ha! So today and the next few entries are dedicated to trying to figure out what the hell to do with my life.
The most ironic part of today is that I am meeting up with a young friend to figure out a career choice for him. The kid's been going to University for 4 months and already has changed carreer choices. I guess having a guidance councelor as a mother can fuck you up when it comes down to figuring out what function you are going to take on in life and society. Poor kid.
***NEWS FLASH***
An eavesdropping hippy looking for inspiration (that would be me) overheard the following sentence said by a man smelling of tobacco eating his eggs and bacon : You're either overweight, or you smoke too much.
...Food for thought.
***NEWS FLASH OVER***
Back to the kid I'm meeting with…I am soooo not the person to help him out with this. All I have to offer as guidance, is a path NOT to take : Mine. While in high school, I decided to study music education as a backup plan. 7 years later, I have my bachelors degree as my plan B, but I still haven't figured out Plan A.
( I can't help but notice how funny it is that people here don't change. Socially or fashionately. Plaid. Everywhere. A "same shit, different day" expresison painted on everyones faces. And on top of that, people here all sound like they are wearing dentures. Gross.)
I have been in full-on quarter life crisis for the past year or so and not knowing what I want out of life has been sucking the life right out of me. I can't say that I am too sunk in nothingness though. I have a few musical plans. None that will pay rent or anything essential of the kind, but plans that will pay off in creativity. Thank goodness for art and happiness.
And with that, I feel like I have just written the introduction to a novel that I will never finish :) I call it : Chapter for forever
Kid is entering the Café...
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